Game quotes from "Ill Met in Amber"

This is the city: a hotbed of intrigue, magic, swashbuckling adventure, and intrigue. It's a good place to live. And an easy place to die. A game of swashbuckling noir.

Cast of Characters

Sessions

• Ambercon 2000
• Ambercon 2001
• AmberCon North 2001
• Ambercon 2002
• Ambercon 2003
• Ambercon 2004
• September 19, 2004
• AmberCon North 2004
• October 23, 2004
• Ambercon 2005

Ambercon 2000

"So, (Sean's) the honorable captain. (He's) like Kermit the Frog in Muppet Island." -- John Davies to Sol Foster

"Mind if we sacrifice fudge to the Tiki?" -- Sol Foster
"Fudge for the Tiki! Fudge of the Tiki!" -- Blake Moorcroft

"We figured it said 'Free Rebma' so it was even better." -- John Davies
"Typically it's just 'Cheap Rebma.'" -- Scott Whitney

"How horrifyingly domestic." -- Scott Whitney to the group, watching Jennifer Jackson cross-stitch a bib

"I don't mind if you sit in my lap, but you still can't see my character sheet." -- Scott Whitney to Jennifer Jackson

"His name's Dane, but his other name is Hamlet." -- Blake Moorcroft, punning horribly about Michael Schloss' character
*GROAN* -- everyone
"Omlet, Pans of Denmark!" -- Scott Whitney, quoting the Karamozov Brothers

"I'm not a farm boy! I'm a swordsman!" -- Michael Kucharski, speaking as Nicholas
"No, he's the Dread Pirate Roberts." -- Scott Whitney
"I'M THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS!" -- Michael Kucharski
"Oh, I get it. He's a pathological liar." -- Scott Whitney

"As you who read the e-mail know, some ambassadors are coming to town." -- GM
"Yes, and all the references to intrigue have been replaced by wenching." -- Scott Whitney

"I don't mean to scare you, but the same person has top rank in Strength and Endurance." -- GM
"Victory is mine!" -- Scott Whitney
"No! It's the person who bought no powers." -- Blake Moorcroft, indicating Jennifer Jackson
"Are you kidding? She bought 100 points of Good Stuff!" -- Scott Whitney

"So are you expecting a kid, or is this for a friend?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman, asking Jennifer Jackson about the bib
"Actually, I have one upstairs. We can bring it down here and share." -- Jennifer Jackson, responding to a different question

"Before I torture Sol..."
"While I torture Sol..."
"...while you're doing that, I'll torture Sol."
"I'm going to go back and torture Sol..."
    -- GM, repeatedly throughout the first five minutes of play

"Hey, don't make fun of little Nicky Alikki!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'm top ranked in Stuff, too, right?" -- Scott Whitney
"Yes." -- GM
"VENGENCE IS MINE!" -- Scott Whitney
"I thought it was 'victory?'" -- Sol Foster
"It was." -- Scott Whitney

"Sol, I paid 10 points to have (the GM) give you 10 Bad Stuff." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster

"Swashbuckling-noir, comedy nightly, dark humor on Wednesdays." -- GM
"I thought this was the gay game..." -- Michael Kucharski
"Oh, crap. I'm in the wrong game!" -- Jeremy Zimmerman (switching to Adair mode)
"And here you took exalted wenching. Boy are you going to look stupid." -- Scott Whitney

"You've been gratuitously redecorated by Flora." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster
"You've been Floradated!" -- Blake Moorcroft

"I've got Weird Stuff..." -- Sol Foster to ?

"Actually, your place is as clean as it would be if your servants actually showed up." -- GM
"I should hire these thieves!" -- Sean

"You're not noticing anything missing. In fact, you have more stuff than before. You now have throw pillows." -- GM to Sean

"Redecorating with intent." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'll set a trap! I'll mess up the house and hide in a closet!" -- Sean to the group

"Why wasn't the lawn taken care of?" -- Sol Foster
"Because these are interior decorators." -- Michael Schloss

"The usual bills, 'You may already be an Amberite'..." -- GM to Sean, describing his mail

"You know his dryer is full of socks." -- Andy Dawson
"And none of them match." -- Scott Whitney

"'People are going around redecorating. Solve it.'
'Why?'
'It's annoying Flora.'"
    -- GM to ?, paraphrasing Random

"Best Chinese laundry in all of Shadow. One point personal Shadow. It's Flora's." -- GM to ?

"This takes a while because he's as slow as a glacier." -- GM to ?, regarding a doddering servant at the castle
"He sold down from Human Rank." -- Sol Foster
"He needed the points to buy Advanced Muttering." -- Scott Whitney

"You people..." -- Jennifer Jackson
"Hey, what about those of us who aren't people?" -- Scott Whitney

"I have to keep my wits about me. I might get throw-pillowed." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"Incest pays in Amber." -- Andy Dawson
"If you get caught, it pays with interest." -- Scott Whitney

"Being the Captain of the Guard of the seamy side of town..." -- GM to Hawk
"...you're sound asleep and well bribed." -- Scott Whitney

"Three at once!" -- Michael Kucharski, on (Nicholas') plans to duel tonight
"I thought it was three back to back..." -- Sol Foster
"I want to get it done as soon as possible." -- Michael Kucharski

"You know, there were throw pillow size swatches cut out of his clothes, and all his hair was gone." -- Andy Dawson to ?, about a murder

"Sorry, no one wanted to play the forensic pathologist." -- GM
"Scully, after everything you've seen, how can you doubt the existence of the Courts of Chaos?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"All in the same area?" -- Keith, asking about the murders
"All in the suck side of town." -- GM

"You know, your character's Celtic. What your people know as throw pillows, others know as severed heads." -- Andy Dawson to ?

"You've got an infestation of Aztecs!" -- Sol Foster
"Just get a spray for them. They'll be gone in about a week." -- Scott Whitney

"And now I eat the Unicorn! That's my Dworkin moment for the evening." -- GM to ?

"It's half empty! It's half full! It's twice as large as it needs to be!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"He actually needs a pillowmancer." -- Andy Dawson to ?

<Maximillian bows to the Unicorn Church Cardinal, using his index finger as a horn>
"If only that was quotable." -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"There's not a drop of liquor in his house. You've been robbed by prohibitionist redecorators." -- GM to Sean

"Sol, hold the GM like a hostage." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster

"They buy most of their wine from us." -- Reggie Bayle
"Theirs must be awful..." -- Dane

"So, do you want to go somewhere later?" -- the entirety of Reginald's first eight attempts at luring off Elyssa after the party

"Didn't you have a girlfriend a week ago?" -- Elyssa
"But that was a whole week ago..." -- Reggie
"Why don't you have her now?" -- Elyssa
"She caught me in bed with someone else." -- Reggie

"I think we ought to know each other better." -- Reggie, still trying to lure off Elyssa
"But I know you Reggie." -- Elyssa
"I mean religiously." -- Reggie
"But I'm not religious..." -- Elyssa
"Neither am I." -- Reggie, smiling

"Care to go out for dinner tomorrow night?" -- Maximillian, after Reggie's failed attempts
"Sure." -- Elyssa

"What was the name of Bloody Thom's before Thom was killed?" -- GM
<various suggestions are made>
"Bloody Sol's! No, wait! Three-eyed Sol's!" -- GM, answering his own question
"Recurring jokes! Gotta love 'em." -- Scott Whitney

"So, you've hired the farm boy to investigate the heinous crime?" -- GM to ?
"It's an absurd crime. Why change the trend now?" -- Scott Whitney
"I guess they need to do some pillow talk." -- Andy Dawson

"No, no. It's bureaucrats. It will be red tape at 30 yards." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"The yard's a crime scene because they didn't mow the lawn? What?!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'm presuming the house is still there?" -- Maximillian
"Actually, I have a funny story about that." -- GM

"My overstuffed chair has had it's head bit off and it's heart torn out. There's stuffing everywhere!" -- Maximillian to ?

"Go check my sofa. See if my throw pillows are missing." -- Maximillian to GM, after discovering a large quantity of imported booze in his home

"Send a servant over to Captain O'Donovan, let him know he misplaced his alcohol in my pantry." -- Maximillian to GM

Ambercon 2001

"We say 'likes' in this game because 'incest' is harder to spell." -- GM to the group

"There are several things you can do to other people that don't involve their consent." -- Scott Whitney
"They usually involve throw pillows." -- Sarah Kindred

"Wear a mask. It helps you." -- Dane to Reggie
"Until you open your mouth." -- Sol Foster

"Anyone in the peanut gallery have any comments to add about Reggie?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"They're all too easy." -- Blake Moorcroft
"So is Reggie." -- Sarah Kindred

"Max is a bit of a dilettante, he attends all the best parties, wears the latest fashions, etc." -- Scott Whitney
"Just like Reggie." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Only classier." -- everyone

"My name is Blake, and I'm an alcoholic religious fanatic." -- Blake Moorcroft introducing his character to the group

"(Abigail) resembles an aging but once attractive woman in her mid-forties." -- Sarah Kindred
"Ah, so she's like a fine wine." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Yes, she'll leave you on the floor with a headache." -- Sarah Kindred

"Miss Darcy, I have a proposition for you." -- Abigail
"I've tried that line before, and it's never gotten me anywhere." -- Reggie
"And I've already told you, I'd much rather be friends, because I know how many (jewelry) receipts (for your women) I get from you each month, and I don't want to be a receipt." -- Elyssa

"There are some things involving foliage that the church frowns on." -- Morgan to Reggie

"The church has come up with a new term for you: vegiality." -- Morgan to Reggie

"Why are there so many priests in this restaurant?" -- Reggie to Elyssa, during their second date

"Are we all taking turns playing Sol's instrument?" -- Liz Trumitch to the group
"It's fun, but it's a little hard to play because it's so big." -- Sol Foster

"Shhhhh. Dramatic screwing moment." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"Keith, feel free to make the weird noises." -- GM to Keith

"It's those gnomes, they put nuclear generators into the grapes, that's why Bayle's Piss tastes so bad." -- Dane to the group, hallucinating after being poisoned

"The Bastille has landed. I must storm it to destroy the postman-hamster conspiracy." -- Dane to the group, still hallucinating

"I throw my glove at the gazebo and challenge it to a duel. 'What, you cur! Have at you!'" -- Dane
"OK, so you're currently engaged in a duel to the death with the gazebo." -- GM

"You know, there was this one time when you were sick with that one perfect flu of which all other flus are but Shadows..." -- GM to Sean

"So we're sleeping the sleep of the innocent, or the lucky...or maybe the unlucky." -- Kris Fazzari
"Or the dead." -- Scott Whitney

"No, I'm not really interested in going to where the screaming is." -- Elyssa to GM

"Your follicles are overdrawn. You'll have to come back with me to the toaster for questioning." -- the still hallucinating Dane to Madeline

"I'm on to your wily lamp shade ways." -- Dane
"Your light bulb needs changing." -- Madeline
"Dane begins unscrewing his nose." -- Michael Schloss

"You've been tied up by sailors." -- GM to Dane
"Dane's eyes suddenly widen in horror." -- Michael Schloss

"Two out of three captains destroy Bayle property." -- Blake Moorcroft to the group

AmberCon North 2001

"If I find out my husband is a crazy nuthouse who murders prostitutes, there's going to be an issue." -- Juliana to the group

Ambercon 2002

"I am cute when I have a whip." -- Liz Trumitch to the group

"(Detective Garrett's) partners have a habit of dying nastily, which is why she works alone." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"(Sean) has weird stuff." -- Sarah Kindred to the group, after hearing how Captain O'Donovan's ship sank due to hitting a reef that wasn't there before

"When the large, buff, black captain is screaming like a girl, it's time to leave the room." -- Liz Trumitch
"I was possessed, God damn it!" -- Sol Foster

"So (Garrett) is casting a spell that will protect us after we're dead." -- Sean to GM

"All of the Feldanes look somewhat alike." -- Max to GM
"That's because of all the incest." -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"I'm Reginald Bayle, I'm never rude. Crass, tactless, but never rude." -- Reggie to the group

"Caine and the north fleet are going to be arriving." -- GM
"Good. I can use the north fleet." -- Juliana

"I've had quite enough to drink." -- Reggie, First Rank Drinker, to the group

Ambercon 2003

"So I'm coming back from sea and I know there's a carnival going on? Can I borrow a pen, I need to figure out what spells I have ready." -- Sean to GM

"I don't want to seem more human, I want to be feared, now go away." -- GM to Sarah Kindred

"Your sister and I rarely see each other." -- Varien to Madeline
"What, do you keep the lights out most of the time?" -- Scott Whitney

"It was hell for Eric to teach (Arryl) how to catch." -- GM
"I do not chase der stick." -- Arryl
"I do." -- DCI Garrett

"Where is my bodyguard! You might want to save me from the drunk horse people." -- Juliana to the group

"Max is icky." -- Garrett, complaining about why she can't get laid
"Only because you smeared me with alcohol." -- Max
"Daubed. Daubed at best, and only because you asked me to." -- Garrett

"I don't sleep on land because it doesn't rock, so I sleep on my ship." -- Wesley
"I can make your house rock." -- Garrett

"I'm going to stay at sea and just have sex with the crew." -- Wesley to Garrett

"Hobart is chased, but not with a 'T'." -- Jennifer Jackson and Sarah Kindred to the group

"Arryl boogies out of here." -- GM
"I don't boogie. I polka." -- Arryl

"Are we a team on this?" -- Garrett
"I know what happens to your partners." -- Max

Ambercon 2004

"As everyone else lies unconscious and bleeding, (Elyssa and Wesley) have lunch." -- Michael Curry to the group

"There's the political angle, there's the fantastic sex, there's the mind-numbing terror...." -- Scott Whitney to the group, on the advantages of getting involved with a member of the royal family

"I think that when I'm lobster red, it's going to be hard to seduce Gérard." -- Juliana to the group

"We like Benedict. He never talks to us." -- Wesley to the group

"I learned a lot while I was unconscious." -- Sean to the group

"This dress is coming off before the night is over." -- Liz Trumitch to the group

"This is not a summoning, it's not about control." -- Garrett to GM, explaining the séance she's about to hold
"We're just saying 'Hi'" -- Elyssa

"This is how I'm going to talk to Philip in the future when he's dead. Put out his alcohol. Sit there and drink." -- Juliana
"This is how you talk to him now!" -- GM

"If Juliana tells you that your sex life is messed up, you are so far beyond fucked up...." -- GM to the group

"The three rules of magic are consent, similarity, and I'm too drunk to remember." -- Garrett to Elyssa, Wesley and Varien

"I have no connection to you." -- Varien
"Well, I could use a secretary." -- Garrett
"I'm sure I could find you one." -- Varien

"Gérard could resist our combined will. A trained ferret could resist our combined will." -- Varien to Wesley

"We stop by the kitchen and bring Arryl a huge breakfast." -- Garrett to GM
"What do you want?" -- Arryl, when she sees the breakfast

"I am expendable." -- Garrett
"Don't I wish!" -- Max

"I care (about Genevieve)." -- Varien to the group
"He's done her." -- Liz Trumitch
"That doesn't mean (he) cares." -- D.J. Quinn

"So the short form is stay alert, trust no one, and keep your laser handy." -- Garrett to the group

September 19, 2004

"Lots of bad things are always happening in Southside." -- GM to Ambrose
"And yet, the Duchess keeps hanging out there." -- Kris
"That's where all the whores are." -- Liz

"You didn't give me your body so much as I just took it." -- O'Donovan to Juliana

"Juliana has more endurance than me?" -- O'Donovan
"Why do you think she's so popular?" -- GM

"Anything happen of note (in your dream)?" -- Eric
"I was unable to send a warning back through space and time, so no." -- Juliana

"Feel free to lie to Gérard. Everyone else does." -- GM to Genevieve

"Honestly? I would have killed me." -- Genevieve to the group

"Am I concussed? Sweet! I hear that will leave a permanent lump on my head to join the many other ones there." -- O'Donovan to GM

"You know, it's a terrible thing when the 2,000-year-old mage is currently the physically toughest in your party." -- Sol to the group

"I think (Gérard's) really far away. Like we're someplace that we didn't want to be." -- Ambrose
"I think we figured that out already." -- Madeline

AmberCon North 2004

"Are all Chris' plots about you having sex with elders?" -- Sean McCabe
"(Juliana does) not sleep around. I don't know why (she has) this reputation of sleeping around!" -- Liz Trumitch to the group
"Because (she) sleeps around?" -- Kris Fazzari

"Eric's just this weenie who's the son of the King." -- Wesley
"That's his Royal Highness." -- GM
"That's his Royal Highness Weenie." -- Wesley
"That's his Royal Weenie." -- Juliana

"John's Son is 6'4" tall and 300 pounds, without the fat." -- Glen Seymour
"So your job is that you're Gérard's stunt double, is that what you do for a living?" -- Bill Gulstad

"The thinking is that Oberon will come back with one of two things - a Queen..." -- GM to the group
"Or a social disease." -- Michael Curry

"(Juliana) talks to a lot of people, and she's been talking to a lot of people for most of her life." -- Liz Trumitch
"That's the problem." -- Kris Fazzari

"What are normal business hours for a pirate?" -- Michael Curry to the group

"Do you have rules against excessive violence?" -- Griz
"Apparently not." -- Wrenn, looking at the excessively beaten body

"We don't consider sex a skill." -- Juliana to the group

"Philip is used to this crap." -- Juliana to the group
"Used to in the sense of resigned to it, maybe." -- Kris Fazzari

"OK, now I have something to do." -- Elissa to the group, after learning that her mother's been murdered

"You live for craziness, Darling." -- Juliana
"With!" -- Philip

October 23, 2004

"(Juliana's) more likely to have sex with the horse than with Varien." -- Liz to the group

"Truth is a three-edged sword - first you cut yourself on it, then you do a blood rune, then everybody dies." -- Ambrose to the group

"(Philip and I) have an agreement about Southside." -- Juliana
"Yeah, he's going to burn it to the ground." -- GM
"Really? I thought we were going to paint it all pink." -- Juliana

"I don't usually blow people up. Usually I just get possessed." -- O'Donovan to the group

"A pretty iron mask is still an iron mask." -- Juliana to the group

"Ambrose looks like he might fall over dead any second. But then again, he often looks like that." -- GM to Madeline

"If Ambrose wants to fuck himself royally, and not in a good way that involves Deirdre or Llewella...." -- GM to Madeline

Ambercon 2005

"I'm Max Feldane, proud father." -- Scott Whitney
"Of what?" -- GM

"Wake me up when I die." -- Ethan to the group

"I have never tasted Max Feldane, so therefore I don't know." -- Wesley to Juliana

"Juliana didn't even succeed in marrying me off in her dreams." -- Jennifer Jackson to the group

"I'm going to need Phillip later, when I get done with the rest of these boys." -- Juliana to GM

"Just spear it and then rotate." -- Ian Ng
"It's a little frozen." -- Liz Trumitch

"This party is dead." -- O'Donovan to the group, at Bishop Morgan's wake

"The happy news is: Bishop Morgan de Chastellan - still dead." -- GM to the group

"I don't want to conjure with (Morgan's body), I just want to set it on fire!" -- Max to the group

"This card entitles you to one act of high treason, submitted by Oberon." -- Scott Whitney to the group

  Hellriders have passed through here since October 3, 2004.

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Last modified on June 9, 2005 by Kris Fazzari.