Do you have a particular favorite or efficacious line? Send it to us for inclusion here!
- Hey, Princess, you wouldn`t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?
- Been there, slain that.
- Your hovel or mine?
- Pestilence makes the heart go wander.
- Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my longsword in action?
- Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that my sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes.
I crave the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@#\$% ???
- You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail?
- I like the cut of your jib.
- If I were that horse, I`d rather you mounted me without the saddle.
- Wizard: You know, my hat isn`t the only thing that`s pointed.
- Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire?
- Dost thou practice safe hex?
- Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor.
- I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke?
- Wench: what`s that sound?
- Knight: that`s just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.
- Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!
- Why don`t we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller`s Tale?"
- You won`t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!!
- Ever see a passion play? Would you like to?
- Don't believe the rumors you heard about me . . . the Bubonic plague didn`t affect the important parts.
- Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
- How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ran over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms.
- I've been VERY NAUGHTY. You`ll have to put me in the stocks and...er... PUNISH me, now won`t you?
- C'mon, sweetie...Didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away.
- I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I`m walking on!
- Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear?
- I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?
- My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it.
- What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it?
- I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?
- You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Rapunzel. Only it wasn`t my hair that the queen asked me to let down.
- A day just wouldn`t be complete without a Knight.
- I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m`lady.
- What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass?
- Come up to my chamber and I`ll show you the largest treasure in the land.
- You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime.
- Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?
- Wanna polish my pike?
- 'Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with my grappling hook!
- My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within its folds.
- Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple?
- May I show you a fascinating Saracen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin?
- A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery.
- Milady, it`s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.
- I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.
- May I hose down thy doublet?
- Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me cross.
- You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.
- What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?
- You can scale my battlements any day, madam.
- You scratch my boils and I`ll scratch yours.
- They don`t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.
- My that`s a fine set of chalices you have there.
- Ssh, I don`t want everyone to know I`m on a secret holy quest.
- When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren`t the only thing they stretched.
As if these weren't enough, you can always go and see what Bodger and Grift have to say on the subject.
